Her Name Is Mary

We walk with blinders on, ignoring the people around us. At the gas station today, there was a woman crying in utter defeat. She wasn't "working the crowd" because she was on the other side of the building where there are no doors. She was crazy skinny and I'm not going to lie, she smelled worse than she looked. She didn't ask me for a thing. I asked her what I could do to help. I can tell she's homeless or near it, and she starts to tell her Story because that's what homeless people do to placate those who only help the "worthy." I don't care if it's true or not, I do not want her to justify her need for my sake. I just told her it was okay, and please, just tell me what she needed.I didn't say it but she didn't have to be pitiful enough or sober enough or smart enough for me to help. She was standing in front of me, and that was enough.

All she asked for was a bag of chips, some salt to help her with the heat. I had originally stopped for a lottery ticket and a candy bar. I got her a big bag of chips, a huge water and a bag of M&Ms because they're portable and have raw calories.

When is the last time your situation was so dire you were prioritizing by raw calories? I thought so.

It's not even that hard to make a huge difference. You just have to look around, get off your high horse, and give a damn about the people standing right in front of you. They don't owe you anything, and you don't owe them. But don't for one second think you should be privy to and judge their Story. Either help them or don't. Live by the principles of doing good or don't. Use your gifts to make things better, that's why you were given gifts. Those who don't have money still have ways to help if they want to.

Serve your fellow man or don't. But don't tell me you can't. I'll call you a liar every time.

This is the one circumstance where I do not want to hear someone's life story. Not because I'm not interested, because it feels like they are sharing their pain in exchange for a few dollars and a little self-satisfied judgment in my look. I want them to know they've been helped because they're human and normal and I'd do it for anyone. I could grab the door for a businesswoman in $500 heels, and not feel I should ask her why she thought carrying so much crap was a good idea. In this case, I spent money I was going to throw away on a lottery ticket that wouldn't win and a candy bar I don't need, and someone has calories to make it until morning.

She says she is leaving town as soon as she gets bus money. I gave her my change and wished her well, and told her of a few places to go in town just in case. It's all you can do, but I would like to think someone would do it for me if I needed. And not because I had suffered enough for them, or lived my life by their still-flawed standards, but because I was a human standing in front of them.

I'm going to write here alongside the Dead Shuffle reboot (WOOHOO). I want to touch on a lot of things, how we view ourselves. The decisions we make when nobody is looking. The lies we tell when someone is. I want to talk about human nature and what we find acceptable. That's a mighty tall task for a zombie story, but that's what I want to do. I don't JUST want to scare people, the zombies can do that without me. I want to make people look at something and wonder what they would do, and what it would say about them.

Mary will be there.  Her story will be one of the best ones I'll write at the very beginning. I'm already working on it.

The Return of Dead Shuffle

Dead Shuffle was a learning project, a fiction blog that I started to see how it would work in reality. Then it got a small following and some loyal readers. Then it blew up because that's what learning projects do.

I'm pleased to announce that January 1, 2016 Dead Shuffle is coming back. And this time we're going to do it right. All of that previous work was not in vain, those lessons have been analyzed and applied to a final product that will launch.

This time, a small team of writers and creative people are on board from the beginning. Loyal people who stayed with us from the beginning will recognize some familiar faces, but this is a reboot and so everything could be subject to change to fit the new parameters.  A whole lot more will change than what has remained the same.  But all the same, you will recognize some people.

I might have little blurbs on my Facebook, but for the most part we're going to stay mum until everything is ready. I was just too excited to keep it quiet for any longer. Let's face it, that's just not my style.

I can't wait to write more soon, and fill in some details.

Project Lavender Moon

Project Lavender Moon

I can’t really tell the name of this project until it’s released.  But I’m excited, and here’s why.

Last semester, I had an idea. A great one, actually. I took photography class for my journalism degree, and to my utter surprise I fell in love. I thought it would be all artsy talk about pictures of flowers and our feelings, but it was really technical and challenging. I also had a wonderful teacher who paid as much attention to how we planned to use our photography as she did the curriculum. I came out of it learning about shooting landscapes, animals, people and portraits through the eyes of the students who were passionate about them

.

We had to create a portfolio as a final project. I drew up some great ideas, and that’s where this one was born. I knew right away I had found The One and still knew it was too big for the assignment at hand. I got an A in the class (for perspective, please realize the last art class I took was in 1989) after some hard work and remedial studying, and then I began to prepare for this.

I can’t tell you what it is yet. But I can say a few things and not spill the beans too much. It’s my first self-published art ever, and the concept is pretty special. Writing journalism is rewarding but you spend so much effort keeping yourself out of it. In this case I get to bring my own passion and vision into it but still maintain factual integrity. I also get to bring my other love into it. And at this point, photography is a love. The honeymoon is over. I’ve slogged through wet grass for a shot and hurt myself crawling around dancing people for “the” shot of a drummer. The love endures. I have a lot to learn but thanks to some generous people (including that amazing teacher) I have some folks who will help me succeed.

My writing life in general has entered a new, peaceful phase. The work for CBS Local is steady and rewarding. I learn a lot and I get to do tons of research and learn about random and unpredictable things.  That’s pretty much a Bon kind of deal. Examiner.com is also steady and I have full creative control. Though I report to an editorial team, I pick my own assignments and can continue to gain valuable experience. Unite Publications is personally satisfying, because I am contributing to a cause I believe in, a major principle I try to live by every day. Steady work, no need to hunt for more, and actually turning down work because I am pleasantly occupied. This frees up a lot of time. I no longer have to write query letters, follow up with editors and mail endless packets out to publishers. I just write. Now I can do this justice.

I have conducted a few interviews, and have some coming up. The subjects are getting better and better, and I am learning how to interview in an entirely different way. I am in talks to interview someone I have admired for years, and have met the most amazing people through the conversations. It is my job to record people. Their stories. Not just news, or scandals. What makes them who they are. Their perspective and experiences are unique, and there is so much to learn from one another. I realize as I’m doing it that it’s my best work to date, but in another surprise I didn’t expect it to change me.  My mind and understanding of people has grown so much in the past few months that it is unreal.

I’m going to write about my experience of putting this together in my blog. Not to tease people with upcoming releases, I won’t link to them at all. You will have to sign up if you want that level of detail. I have several artist friends who want to learn the publishing end of this, so I am going to help them understand on a step by step basis.  If you would like to learn how, I will gladly help and answer questions along the way. Self-publishing is usually not recommended, especially for traditional fiction.  However, for art it is perfectly acceptable, and that is how I plan to approach it anyway. 

So there you have it. There will be more coming. I am going to work it hard this summer, and hopefully have it down to editing and tweaking before school starts back up. 

More coming soon,

Bon

Coming Soon

I knew I had fallen in love with photography about halfway through the class. Our final project was to complete a portfolio, and I turned in black and white images that showed character and told a story. For the first time in my whole frustrated artist life, I had finally accomplished something and I knew it. I went into that class not knowing which button to push or what a DSLR camera was. I came out with a good sense of composition and theme and some technical knowledge. My editing skills are weak, but in journalism that is not a priority like it is for some photographers. Besides some cropping, blurring for privacy or making everything as clear as possible, editing is a crime among my people.

I decided today that I am going to put out a book of photography. In a small way it's an extension of my final project. But I have worked the idea over, given it a test run in class, and decided just how I want to execute the second round.

I obviously can't tell too much right now, but it will be based entirely on Springfield and the people who live here. I'm already adding and working on the format.

I might even be using an occasional model, and some effects to create scenes. I'm going all out on this, because now I know just how it will all come together.

Art is a fantastic thing. I'm so glad I have finally found something I can really sink my teeth into. I see myself getting better in leaps and bounds. I have committed my rookie mistakes and paid the price, now I'm working on fine tuning and learning how to edit just a little better, so I can pull off some artistic effects. There's a lot to do, but that will get me out and around this summer, give me reasons to hike because I have to cover a lot of ground to get all the shots I need, and leave me with something I can keep forever.

Stick with me, kids. This year has been upgraded to incredible.

State of the Bon Address

Things have finally calmed down, and I am feeling normal again. So many changes! To quote Inigo Montoya, "There is too much. Let me sum up."

• I moved to a different department at work. So far I love it. This is the most recent change, but I enjoy it very much.
  
• School is finally giving me a break. I took the summer off, and I'm glad I did. It took me nearly a month to rest and catch up on things I had put off to take care of school.
  
• I am in love with photography. My website has a growing gallery of shots. I particularly enjoy black and white, and capturing the character of people.
  
• I'm now writing for CBS Local, in the St. Louis market. I love it so much, because it's enjoyable and constant. Between this and Examiner, I now have all the outlets I need and enough to keep me busy when school starts back up.
  
• I will graduate in May 2016. I'm a little freaked out by that! It seems like forever, and it also seems like way too soon.
  
• I'm now taking the next two months and writing as much as I can. Then I can go back to school in September with no regrets, and a full body of articles behind me.
  

There really will be more posts here as well, but this is a nice overall catch up for those who don't follow me on Facebook. My website has undergone a facelift, so stop by www.bontindle if you ever want to see what's new. It has become an online home to me now and I update it often. This blog also runs through it, so everything is nice and connected.

Until next time,

Bon

2015 Resolutions

I'm really going to miss 2014. As with any year, there were some ups and downs, but it was an exciting year. I grew a lot and I learned so much. Before I start on my 2015 resolutions, I have to report how I did with my 2014 goals.

1. Get published through two different publishers for the first time. Done, actually doubled. I'd like to brag but in reality it was just luck. I met some people who made referrals, and the next thing I knew I have steady business. Bonuses were picking up repeat gigs at one publication, getting a treasured "request for article" email, I got on an editor's short list and had the same article run in two different newspapers. Saving the best for last, I scored the front page above the fold on Unite Publication's November issue, and I had no idea that was coming.
2. Perform two significant good or kind deeds per month. Done, but just barely. I usually get a jump start on these because they're my favorites, but this year wore me out. I met my goal but I did not exceed it. Whenever I got a chance to do some good, I took the opportunity. It's a good habit to build, and trains you to look for the chance to make someone have a better day. From that mindset, you can do great things.
3. Lose 25 pounds. Nope. Because nope. Moving that to 2015 goals, and putting it at the top. I do not like to fail.
4. Go into a cave, start with a safe one and work into two more challenging caves. No, but with reason. I developed a breathing issue and I can't always keep my breath. Add to that the fact that my claustrophobia manifests itself as a fear of not being able to breathe, I purposely took this one off the list until further notice. If they get my breathing issues under control I promise I'll get started. Otherwise, forget about it.
5. Geocache and find treasures. Yes! I did the one at the Springfield Art Museum and a couple of small follow-ups. It was a blast, and I'll do it again just for the fun of it.
6. Perform one magnificent and completely anonymous good deed. Oh hells yes I did. I found someone who had no reason to know I could help them. I did, and then sat back and watched that amazing person take it and grow it into something even bigger, and benefit even more people who needed a boost. It may be one of the most rewarding exercises in my life, because I got to see the deliberation and work of good people turn something ugly into something beautiful.

So not great, I missed a few. But I did okay. The lessons I learned this year are:

• The value of pacing yourself. I tend to do whatever I'm doing with all of my energy, all of the time, until I fall down flat and sleep. It's a romantic notion, but in school and planning / executing a writing career it isn't always practical. I'm purposely acquiring a value for the baby steps approach. For some projects, it is the only way to succeed. I need to call times to rest and decompress and in the end know it's more efficient, even if short term it's tempting to try to do it all at once.
• Be nicer to myself. I wore myself out this year. I'm no spring chicken anymore. I need to be aware that my limitations are shifting in some places, and I need to factor that into my goal setting. I want to be aggressive in my goals but in the end I want to accomplish what I set out to do. A couple of private resolutions really pushed me to the limit in 2014.
• Exercise and rest must be a priority. When I'm busy or stressed, these are the first two things to go out the window. No more. It cannot be acceptable any longer. And this is going to be hard as hell, because I despise the entire notion of exercising and working out, but it is necessary for a long and happy life. And I want one of those.
• There's nothing wrong with a phase in life in which you focus on yourself. I did a lot of neat things, and had a lot of experiences. I think this next year should be quality over quantity on the goal setting. There are a few select things I need to do, and do well, and that means I'm going to have to find where to put my energy and budget it well.

With that said, to apply my lessons and prepare for the next year:

1. Eat better and find two long-term exercise solutions that I enjoy. Ideally, one strengthening and one endurance building, but I'll take whatever I can get. I'm going to try all kinds of new activities, and honestly measure my success. This includes a monthly weigh-in. Now, no freaking way am I writing how much I weigh. However, I will "golf score" myself and on the first of each month I will tell where I am at. January is 0, so I have a whole month to work before I have to tell how it's going. This makes me accountable, and gives people like me a realistic look at how it is going from sedentary to moderately active. It's not all going to be pretty. This will include the goal of losing 30 pounds. That seems like a reasonable goal, even though I know it's going to get harder towards the end of the year. Still, I want to set an aggressive yet attainable goal and this seems fair. Make better food choices 75% of the time and apply moderation, a concept with which I struggle greatly.
2. Focus on myself and learn how to listen to myself. I need to prioritize and let some things drop off the radar while I attend to the things that matter, like work and school and family. I am down to 12 hours this semester, and will take 9 per semester and graduate in the spring of 2016. This will allow me to have a life on the side. I can pick my classes so I have one challenging, one medium difficult and one fairly easy class, to spread the work out. I am going to take better care of myself, with diet and exercise and even a meditation of sorts. I'm not going to be selfish, but I am going to invest energy into the next year of school, as my grades will have a big impact on my future. Life is about phases, and this phase is going to be a bit more about me.
3. Patience. I am going to work on my patience. I don't have a lot of it in my nature, and while it may sound like a simple thing I am putting a lot of emphasis on it. I am going to be patient with strangers. With people I love. With myself. With processes that I have planned. In many areas of life, I am going to struggle with this and do my best to know when patience should be applied, and develop the skills and resolve to apply it.
4. All A's. Even in algebra, because I can do it. All A's and no exceptions.
5. Begin work on learning Russian, to be conversational and fluent in three years.
6. Writing? There's a few here.
   1. Three new publications. Fiction, nonfiction, grocery list, whatever. Three new places that have never run my stuff before in any form.
   2. Focus on journalism and do 24 articles on local focus for Examiner.com. Apply for one additional news category with them and expand my market.
   3. Focus on fiction and write one short story per quarter, and start querying publications.
   4. Two queries to any completely new publication per month.
   5. Wrap up the essay project and deliver it by June. This is because the Daylight Man should be ready to start writing while I get this one out and going, if I can time it just right. It's technically done in draft, but there's a lot of polishing to do, and arranging cover art, distribution, etc. So there's a lot of work to be done. Getting it out in my hands in paperback form will be sufficient, but if I rock it out having it done by the end of summer would be fantastic.
   6. Two blog posts per month the entire year. No restrictions.
7. Perform one magnificent and completely anonymous good deed. Okay, you can have two. But seriously, when that chance appears, see it, do what needs to be done and never let anyone know you did a thing. It's just such a great feeling, and just one… right? Okay, maybe two if the opportunities present themselves.

So there are my goals. I'm taking it easy this year and putting my work into myself. I need it, and I need to take these years and make them count because they will determine the rest of my working life. I'm not just out for an education, I'm out to conquer the world. I have established my goals and made my plans, but the execution stage is the hardest. I'm right in the middle of that, and I won't be of any help to anyone ever if I drown and become a failure.
Regular updates, and more bog posts to come. I meant it when I said 2014 I was setting up the dominoes and in 2015 you'd see them start falling into place.

My One Shot Bucket List

Most people don't spend a lot of time thinking about dying, and writing a bucket list has become a socially acceptable way to acknowlede that our time is limited and we need to make it count.  Some make a huge list and others make intricate plans.  There is no right or wrong in making a bucket list. Each one should be as unique as the person writing it.

After a great deal of consideration, I decided to pick just one item from all my wishes.  One thing that I would carefully plan, and turn into the adventure of a lifetime.  I knew immediately it would be traveling to somewhere. But what destination did I need to see to make my life whole?  Considering I've had some pretty spiffy adventures thus far, this would take some thought.  I've spent fifteen years with my husband and we have toured most of the country.  I've logged thousands of miles by train and enjoyed the road less traveled.  As a couple we have our own to-do wish list that is independent of my single bucket list item.  But we are all individuals, and I think everybody should get one freebie that is selfish and all their own.

I tried to think about what was missing from my life, and came up short.  I have great friends.  I love my job.  I'm doing what I want with my life.  What else could a girl want?  Then it all came together in the perfect storm.  The answer to my life's greatest adventure was hidden in... homework.

In the first week of October, I had an assignment in journalism class that was particularly tough.  It was a great piece on Roger Ebert that ran in Esquire on February 16, 2010.  The article was very well written, and a great example of how to work detail into a feature.  But aside from the technical lesson I was taken in by Ebert, a man I had grown up with but didn't know at all.  This great, brilliant mind who just happened to be a popular film critic.  Ebert's quotes and approach to life and death were mind-bending. He spoke of the afterlife almost casually, having already accepted the fact that he would be there soon.

"What I am grateful for is the gift of intelligence, and for life, love, wonder, and laughter. You can’t say it wasn’t interesting. My lifetime’s memories are what I have brought home from the trip."

That is exactly how I want to think of my life.  Ebert was an atheist, so we differ in that regard.  However, if I had to sum up the meaning of life, this is the best definition I've ever read.  And it came from someone I had grossly underestimated as the "thumbs up" guy.  Our life is some kind of special chapter in the unfolding of the universe.  Our memories are our reward, even the ones we might not choose to recall.  I want the photo album of my life to be full of greatness.  Not all trips and adventures, but moments of grace, reflection, and plenty of humble reminders that ultimately shaped me.

This confirmed that I wanted to go on a trip, but one that had to be personal, a journey that would suit me and be worthy of the top (and only) slot.  Then another homework assignment gave me the final piece.  My anthropology class had a long-running assignment in which you contributed different videos and articles that were related to the content.  I had just watched The Human Family Tree, an awesome documentary that takes a look into how DNA can tell you not just who your ancestors were, but where they have been at certain times.  Through recorded patterns, scientists can tell how anyone's ancestors originally worked their way from the cradle of civilization to their current location.  I gave the documentary a quick skim to update my notes and share it with the class when a perfect storm of ideas came together.

I love to write.  I love history.  I love culture.  It suddenly became so clear: I should have a DNA analysis performed, and take my bucket list trip to the oldest or most compelling place I find, and write about it.  And depending on what I discover, work in more if I can.  What would be cooler than standing on a piece of land and knowing that thousands of years ago, someone who shared your blood had done the same?  The only thing that could possibly top that is the research that will help me decide the significance of the data and weigh the possible destinations.

It all starts with the first step: the DNA test.  I know Ancestry.com has one, but I want to do some checking and see if any are even better at giving me the particular breakdown I seek.  By the end of 2014, I plan to have taken the test (the results may take a while, I have no idea how these things work).  Then I'll share it and start trying to map out the possibilities.

It really is a small world.  I want to go back as far as I can, find the earliest or most unique land of my family's history, and go there.  I want to look around and know that I wasn't here by accident.  I used technology and skill and intelligence to come find my roots.  I want to look at a landmark, and having checked history and climate records, know how it would have looked to someone who shares a direct link with me.  Though they'll never know it, I would like to think my ancestors would find it amazing that I came looking for them, and succeeded.  I also want to write something special, and just for myself.  I don't mind sharing the whole story (note the new Bucket List tag) but this may be the only thing that I am really writing out for the pure and selfish joy of doing what I want.  I'm not trying to sell it, I'm not trying to please an editor.  I want to record my big adventure and do it justice.

So there it is.  My bucket list.  It will be a great journey of discovery and research, one great destination where I get to appreciate what I've studied, and a chance to write something special.  I'm not out for a luxurious and pampered experience. I'm going to apply the things I love most and see where the science takes me.

If you like, you are welcome to come along for the ride.